I think about it when I hide under my duvet, or when I eat dinner, when it's quiet time with Addi, when I'm in the shower... It's non stop thinking, and it's been this way as long as I can remember.
My house was burgled when I was 13; I came home to find my room smelt like cigarettes and that a lot of stuff had just 'gone'. There was a cigarette butt put out on the little wooden chair that my grandad (now passed) had made. The home phone was gone (seriously... it was the 'dect' phone so it couldn't have even been used without the main one), my new jeans were gone, lots of CD's, a new hoodie that was impossible to replace... Oh and a box of condoms.
I know who did it, which is the worst part. She was never seen at school again. One day not long after she'd burgled my place, I was at home sick. I heard something outside and as I opened the hall door, I saw her trying to pick the lock in the front door. She saw me and ran, as I ran just as fast to the kitchen and fell on the floor in fear. I knew she was capable of turning my life upside down, and ruining sentimental things, scaring me... violating my privacy... I knew she was bad, so even looking at her TRYING to do it again really got to me.
I know who did it, which is the worst part. She was never seen at school again. One day not long after she'd burgled my place, I was at home sick. I heard something outside and as I opened the hall door, I saw her trying to pick the lock in the front door. She saw me and ran, as I ran just as fast to the kitchen and fell on the floor in fear. I knew she was capable of turning my life upside down, and ruining sentimental things, scaring me... violating my privacy... I knew she was bad, so even looking at her TRYING to do it again really got to me.
Long story short (yeah right), the big quakes are kind of like someone burgling your house. You come home and things are a mess, broken, 'gone'. Or, like me, you watch it happen in front of you. I can't figure out which one is worse. It's like an invisible intruder who is 'bad', just like every other burglar.
Obviously the difference between an earthquake and an intruder is that one is mother nature; and one is a dropkick. But sometimes, a lot of times lately actually, they're kinda hard to tell apart.
Obviously the difference between an earthquake and an intruder is that one is mother nature; and one is a dropkick. But sometimes, a lot of times lately actually, they're kinda hard to tell apart.
With each aftershock it's like watching her pick the lock. Attempting to get in just once more, to 'finish the job'. And with an evil, taunting laugh, she shakes the city as the door won't budge. She leaves but you know she'll be back. Maybe not at your house but when she finds a door that opens .....
The quakes leave a cold, dark presence. Like I said, an invisible intruder. And you don't know whether it's best to be home and protect your things, or piss right off.
Really, I have all I need in the room beside me. And no matter where I am, I think I'll always have her in a room beside me, safe, warm and protected.
Tomorrow we go home to face the music. We have no television for a week or so until the new one comes (oh did I mention we're moving next weekend?!YAY), so it's going to be a quiet/busy week packing my house up. It's been almost 2 weeks since I've slept in a house alone. The nights in Addi's dads bed were odd, but nice, in some sort of way. I've not been around people for so long... And for the last 3 nights I've slept in a bed that's not mine, in a lounge, with Addi beside me in the portacot, and dad asleep upstairs. Going back to being 'alone' will be hard, I think. Especially with no telly!!!
I'm so grateful to have a wee snuggle-puss who loves me, and parents who love me, a brother who loves me... I'm so grateful that we're all okay and that my friends are alright too.
...My glasses and bowls on the other hand....
