Hope

As the aftershocks continue; as the fear fades, the shock is still there. Each rumble is new. Each heart-stopping CRACK is just as sickening as the last. Even though we know they will still come; they are not comforting, nor will they ever be.

Addi's smiles are comforting, they are infectious, they are soul-warming. Aftershocks are not. We all know earthquakes can and have caused deaths. Smiles haven't.

I don't know what it is with the saying "Have Hope"... Because even if we don't have it, things are still out of our control. Heartache is out of our control; if it was controllable then it wouldn't be heartache.

To be let down is the same as experiencing aftershocks. They are BOTH new and sickening, although inevitable and out of our control. We can have hope but they both are going to keep happening. They are both uncomfortable to experience and although we get used to them, they are still shocking.

So far, in my life, Addi is the only person who hasn't let me down. As far as I know, I haven't let my mother down either. Maybe it's a thing between parents and their babies, some unspoken rule. Who knows.

Addi wee'd all over the changing table before.

Maybe every repetitive act is comparable to an aftershock; just some are sickening and others are smile-worthy.